S2 E47: Brain Injury and Relationships Series: Wise Warriors with Felice LaZae and Joe Borges

Written By Eryn Martin

The last in our series on relationships is definitely not the least! This week we talk with Felice LaZae and Joe Borges from the NeuroNerds podcast. They share the wisdom they have gained that came out of the trauma. From gaining perspective on priorities to reprogramming old ways of being that no longer work for you, Joe and Felice touch on it all. Don’t miss out on this heartwarming conversation with 2 rock stars in the community!

In this episode:

  • Joe and Felice’s relationship was strengthened post stroke. 

  • The stroke slowed everything down for them and helped them to put things in perspective.  Well being, health, enjoying life are the most important things.

    • Insights from 4 Hour Work Week by Timothy Ferriss (link below): do an exercise of dropping the mundane things so that you can have time for the important things

    • Make time for yourself while you have control to do so.  It doesn’t have to take a life altering event to do this, it’s your choice

    • What’s your why for being here? Focusing on that allows you to shift your priorities to do things that fulfill you

    • Things that seemed important may not be

  • Tragedy helps you realize who your people are.  They are the ones who show up.

  • Felice reminds us how caregivers need support and reflects on those who helped her through

  • It's a choice and commitment to stay in your relationship

  • Stroke is like being reborn. Afterwards you realize you can make different decisions

    • Joe made fundamental changes post stroke for himself and for Felice that led him to being a stronger, happier person

    • It changed  the dynamic in their relationship in a positive way

  •  Think about what is the purpose for this happening in your life.  What’s the wake up call?

    • What is the wisdom that comes out of the trauma? 

    • These times allow you to be shaken and be better.

    • Helps you to break generational cycles, break the mold , and then you can pass on better skills

  •  Felice and Joe have a strong trust in each other based on open communication 

    • Brain injuries can be invisible.  Being open with your significant other about what you are going through is key.  They don’t know unless you’re talking about it

    • Joe reaches out to other survivors to help support and connect survivors and caregivers. 

  • It’s tough for the caregivers.  They need care and support as well. 

    • The paradigm of traditional male and female gender roles.

    • As a caregiver, they have so much on their plates post injury that it can be tough to care for yourself and connect with others 

    • Episode with Joe and Thomas highlights the importance of connection with other survivors.  It was also a time when Felice found support with his caregiver/wife

    • You So Rock group on facebook is a place for caregiver support

    • Check in with the Brain Injury Association for support groups

  • Self Care

    • Strengthening mindset with meditation

    • Life is always going to have challenges.  They won’t go away. It’s how you react to the challenge that helps you process in a mindful way 

    • Understand that everything is happening for a reason and that it will all work out

    • How you experience hardship affects the outcome

    • Try to stay in a good and calm place

    • Have inner inquiry- ask yourself the hard questions and be honest with yourself about how you and your relationships are doing

    • Face the fear.  You have the power to take control and be a doer which releases the fear

  • Changing your inner programming

    • Dr. Joe Dispenza: our past programming is what dictates how we act everyday. If you want to break through you have to break the past programming and stop doing the same thing everyday.  

    • Release the fear and step into the unknown. This is where the exciting stuff is.  If you keep doing the same programming you will keep getting the same result. 

    • Learning to name your emotions helps you understand them and what is going on.  Emotions are our navigation system.  

      • Inside Out: a movie that shows how emotions navigate us

    • Does it feel better to feel good or does it feel better to feel bad? Do the things that make you feel good and this will help you change your programming. 

    • You need to change your programming and make choices that are different from what you don’t want so that you can get what you do want

    • Surround yourself with people who have the energy you want so you don’t get sucked back into your negative programming

  • New Normal- many want their old normal back.  Things are different.  Everyday is a new normal.  Embrace that everything is going to change and radically accept that things are different now

    • Joe’s coaching is available to help you adjust to life after brain injury and the new normal (see link below)

    • Releasing the resistance allows you to accept

    • Resisting the new normal causes pain

    • Acceptance is freedom

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Eryn Martin
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S2 E48: Brain Health, Concussion Recovery, and Meditation with Heather Van Tassel
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S2 E46: Brain Injury and Relationships Series: Supporting Each Other Post Stroke with Ryan and Anna Teal